Alternative Canon: A Sacrilegious Romp

by Erin Proctor

*2023 O'Neill Semifinalist

Serving Ancient City Style. Alternative Canon takes the Book of Genesis and flips it on its head by asking: What if God made contact with Sarah first instead of Abraham? Complete with tiny girlbosses, deities that transcend gender, and pillars of salt; this campy comedy will show you what really goes into the nitty gritty of Intelligent Design.

*2023 O'Neill Semifinalist

Serving Ancient City Style. Alternative Canon takes the Book of Genesis and flips it on its head by asking: What if God made contact with Sarah first instead of Abraham? Complete with tiny girlbosses, deities that transcend gender, and pillars of salt; this campy comedy will show you what really goes into the nitty gritty of Intelligent Design.

  • Inquire About Rights
  • Recommend
  • Download
  • Save to Library

Alternative Canon: A Sacrilegious Romp

Recommended by

  • Shaun Leisher: Alternative Canon: A Sacrilegious Romp by Erin Proctor
    “

    A brilliant twist on scripture. Really loved this play and this fantastic cast of characters.

    A brilliant twist on scripture. Really loved this play and this fantastic cast of characters.

    ”
  • Emmy Kuperschmid: Alternative Canon: A Sacrilegious Romp by Erin Proctor
    “

    Wow I loved this. Proctor brilliantly balances irreverent humor and genuinely heart breaking human moments to bring new life and perspective to a tale we may think we already know. God may have a 5,000 year plan, but can we still change our stories?

    (You know that meme that's like I WOULD GO TO SCHOOL IF THIS WAS THE TEXTBOOK? That, but with organized religion if this play was the text.)

    Wow I loved this. Proctor brilliantly balances irreverent humor and genuinely heart breaking human moments to bring new life and perspective to a tale we may think we already know. God may have a 5,000 year plan, but can we still change our stories?

    (You know that meme that's like I WOULD GO TO SCHOOL IF THIS WAS THE TEXTBOOK? That, but with organized religion if this play was the text.)

    ”
  • Daniel Prillaman: Alternative Canon: A Sacrilegious Romp by Erin Proctor
    “

    God is dead. Wait, correction. God is just "kind of a dick." Sure, they may have a 5000-year plan, but to an immortal, that's like asking us where we see ourselves in five years. Proctor's writing is fresh, daring, and absolutely hilarious. If you're unfamiliar with her voice, "Alternative Canon" is the perfect introduction, as she deftly and delightfully turns these familiar religious icons (as well as a handful of angels) into living, breathing humans. Humans with very human emotions, problems, and hopes. And idiosyncrasies. And sex drives. And, like, hesitancies towards wandering through...

    God is dead. Wait, correction. God is just "kind of a dick." Sure, they may have a 5000-year plan, but to an immortal, that's like asking us where we see ourselves in five years. Proctor's writing is fresh, daring, and absolutely hilarious. If you're unfamiliar with her voice, "Alternative Canon" is the perfect introduction, as she deftly and delightfully turns these familiar religious icons (as well as a handful of angels) into living, breathing humans. Humans with very human emotions, problems, and hopes. And idiosyncrasies. And sex drives. And, like, hesitancies towards wandering through deserts willy nilly.

    read more
    ”
View all 7 recommendations

Character Information

Characters can be doubled.
  • Sarai/Sarah
    Young bride to Avram. Afflicted with headaches, caused by voices in her head. New to the household of Terah, Avram’s father. The second child and only daughter to a high ranking priest, she is a little spoiled. In love with Hagar.
    20s to play 19-45
    Female
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      20s
    • Actor Gender Identity
      Woman
  • Hagar
    Handmaiden to Sarai. Sarai’s friend and confidant. They were raised together. Very smart and intuitive. Very no-nonsense and no bullshit. Madly in love with Sarai.
    20s to play 20-46
    Female
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      20s
    • Actor Gender Identity
      Woman
  • Avram/Abraham
    Older groom to Sarai. About ten years older. Kind of dumpy. Kind of gross. A total loser. A meninist sometimes. Just a Reddit guy you fucking hate. Like we get it.
    30s to play 30-56
    Male
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      20s,
      30s,
      40s
    • Actor Gender Identity
      Man
  • God
    Genderless and ageless. the top banana. Has a Five Thousand Year Plan. Kind of a dick.
    Eternal
    Agender
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      20s,
      30s,
      40s,
      50s,
      60s,
      70s+
  • Gabriel
    Eternal. An Angel of the Lord. He doesn’t understand many human concepts, but he tries. Easily annoyed. Metatron’s husband.
    Eternal
    Agender
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      20s,
      30s,
      40s,
      50s,
      60s,
      70s+
  • Metatron
    Eternal. An Angel of the Lord. Always wears sunglasses because if a mortal looks into his eyes they will turn to a pillar of salt. Gabriel’s husband.
    Eternal
    Agender
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      20s,
      30s,
      40s,
      50s,
      60s,
      70s+
  • Nahor
    Avram’s cute younger brother. Kind of a simp. Kind of a himbo. Plays on the rugby team. All the girls in Ur want to wive him up. He likes to fuck but he’ll treat you right. Doubled with Ishmael.
    20s to play 25-40s
    Male
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      20s,
      30s
    • Actor Gender Identity
      Man,
      Non-binary
  • Terah
    Avram’s father. Sells idols of gods for a living. Can be doubled with Michael.
    50+
    Male
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      20s,
      30s,
      40s,
      50s,
      60s,
      70s+
    • Actor Gender Identity
      Man,
      Non-binary
  • Michael
    Angel of the Lord. Also an actor. Also obnoxious.
    Eternal
    Agender
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      20s,
      30s,
      40s,
      50s,
      60s,
      70s+
  • Lot
    Terah’s grandson. Nephew to Avram, Sarai, and Nahor. A handsome young man just beginning his life. Lives in the city of Sodom with his wife Edith.
    20s
    Male
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      20s
    • Actor Gender Identity
      Man
  • Lot's Wife
    a beautiful young woman named Edith. Married to Lot. A woman with a big heart.
    20s
    Female
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      20s
    • Actor Gender Identity
      Woman
  • Ishmael
    6 years old but played by the same actor who plays Nahor. son of Hagar and Abraham. Sarah discovers she is barren, and desperately wanting a child, instructs Abraham to conceive a child with her. He’s a cute little kid. Sarah dotes on him.
    6 but played by an adult
    Male
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      20s
  • Mary
    Played by the same actress who plays Sarah. Totally a virgin.
    16
    Female
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      20s
    • Actor Gender Identity
      Woman

Development History

  • Reading, Self produced Zoom Reading, 2021

Production History

  • Professional, LakeHouseRanchDotPng , 2023
  • Workshop, Round the Bend Theatre Company, 2022

Awards